The role of women as pickers while men play the courtier has more often hurt women than it has offered them the glamour we imagine. We often see a man and a woman in a relationship that we wonder how it happened. How a highly rated woman ended up with a seemingly less deserving male. We ask how such a man was able to trap such a woman in his life. But is the answer as far fetched as we make them appear?
It has been said that stupid men are full of confidence while the intelligent ones sleep with doubt as their partner. I always hear that a fearful man can not have a beautiful woman for a wife and even if he manages to trap her down with money or any other thing, stands a chance of losing her to a braver man.
Women likes to be courted. They like to be desired, to be wanted, to have someone dying for them and many so called foolish men are ready to do all these. They do it without reservation and tomorrow, they manage to end up with women we wonder how in the world they got them.
But, this is to the disadvantage of women. They have been programmed to see themselves as pickers. The average African woman is beautiful. She knew it and everybody else does. One day, she stands before the mirror, fully unclad and gaze with awe at the impossible body that belongs to her. This is just of the physical; she has her character, her inner beauty and the default loving and caring ability of a mother. She is what every man desires. So she smiles, sits back and crosses her leg. A hundred men would come and all she has to do is, point at one and that one instantly belongs to her.
Now, this is supposed to be an enviable life. But is it really as glamorous as it appears? It's like going to a restaurant and you're giving their menu. It contains lists and lists of dishes. For a minute, you're flattered at this idea of being spoiled for choice. You gaze and gaze and gaze at this seemingly endless list. But along the line, you realize that the meal you really wanted isn't in this list and then the reality of the illusion of choice begins to dawn on you.
You're limited by options, regardless of how long the list is. It may contain every other meal but the moment the one you truly want isn't there and you are obliged to chose from what is available, you've been put at a fatal disadvantage. This is the position of the average African woman. She has been told she must pick. She can not be a seeker. The men are seekers and the chances of the man she really want coming for her is very slim. Since she can't really walk up to this man, what she does is pray and hope he joins the queue of those asking for the favour of having her in their lives.
She don't have to make a pick. She can just relax after all, she is very beautiful and everybody want her. But along the line, she gets tired of giving the man she want signs, because the he-idiot isn't helping matter. What does she do? She checks on the people waiting on her and pick one man. She turns and lies to her conscience that she loves this one. It's always easy, all she had to do is lie to the world too that this is the man her heart was after. Then, tomorrow, when nothing is working, the world will turn and ask, how such a woman ended up with such a man? Is it rocket science?
In the end, the man gets who he wants. The woman gets who want her. It's a lose-lose situation for her.
Enwerem Chukwuka
Lagos
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